Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
