i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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