I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
FUCK WHALES
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
