hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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