connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
