Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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