There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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