she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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