Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
