wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
