He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
