I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize