Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
