Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
