I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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