if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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