Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
