Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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