im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
