when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
