They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
