theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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