yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize