Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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