I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
