Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
