Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
