I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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