Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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