No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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