i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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