o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
