i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
