Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
