ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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