My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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