He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
