If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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