Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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