I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
