I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
