??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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