sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
