____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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