tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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