I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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