I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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