Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
