I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize