Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
