You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
