Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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