So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
