Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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