One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
