Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
