She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
