I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
