So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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