____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
