im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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