i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
