that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
