No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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