if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You work out of a Hotel?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
