Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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