I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
